Wandering Life

RUPA-RUPA HIDUP

Aka sudah menikah
Suami kaya, baik hatinya
Punya anak, rumah mewah
Tak perlu kerja.
Aki sudah nikah
Suami kaya, punya rumah,
Ia kerja, anak belum punya
Aku sudah nikah
Suami tak kaya, rumah tak ada
Anak tak punya, tapi punya kerja
Ake belum nikah
Keluarga kaya, punya kerja
Baik hatinya, pacar tak punya
Ako belum nikah
Keluarga tak kaya, rumah tak punya
Pacar tak punya, kerja untuk makan saja

I am challenged when I read my friend’s message that one of the readers’ of my posts was confused reading my writing about polygamy. Here I try to clarify my previous writing. In that writing, I expressed my opinion that I am not against polygamy (how can I oppose something that God allows it?) But again, God allows it with some conditions. The man must be fair, and he won’t be able-this is stated in Qur’an. I am not against polygamy when it is done in proper such as the first wife agrees to it. The first wife, must be sincere when she says it is OK. And the husband should not in any way force or even threaten his wife. When there is a good intention from all the parties: the husband, the wife and the new wife, polygamy may create happiness too. The wives can be good friends, even stronger than just friends. In my opinion, polygamy is fine when it meets the following criteria.

First, the polygamy has got a reasonable reason ( is there a reason for polygamy except to satisfy male sexual desire? I think there is, and it varies). Yet, I am strongly against when its reason is ridiculous, such as men have greater libido so it’s natural for him to have more than wife or using sunnah Rosul for his justification while his reason is merely for having a new woman to taste.

Second, the husband must have both responsibility and ability to provide a good living for his families. (So, do not marry a jerk who just wanna make use of women for sex and money only).

Third, he must try to be fair. (Why I use the word ‘try”? Coz, can he be fair? In material may be, but surely not in feeling, love or care. Even a mother or father has an unconscious tendency to love one of his/her children more than the other ones right? Though of course, they try to show it in order not to hurt the other children.

Fourth, the first wife must agree it sincerely. (My feminist friend says that there are only 2 or 3 of 100 women will let her husband marry again). For this case, I am proud of women who can be sincere to share the happiness that she has got from her husband with other women. It is a very hard thing to do, right? And I am also proud of men who keep monogamy though his wife allows him to do polygamy.

Fifth, the parents must also ask the children’s opinion. If they do not agree, it is better to cancel the plan as it may be destructive to the children’s future.

Well, I found an interesting case related to a recent incident that happened to Mayang sari ( She is a well-known singer in Indonesia who recently shocked the public by being pregnant and giving a birth without telling public who her baby’s father was. But, soon it is known that she is Bambang triatmojo’s mistress). Bambang’s first wife named Halimah and his children came to Mayang’s house and apparently violence occurred. This incident got much attention from public as the people involved are public figures. Bambang himself is one of the sons of Soeharto-the former president of Indonesia.
When I heard this incident, the first and sudden thing came to my mind was how a wrong polygamy has destroyed a family. In my perspective, some of the points I mentioned above aren’t fulfilled in the marriage of Bambang and Mayang.

First,
what reason that made Bambang marry Mayang? He’s got a beautiful wife and nice children (I see this as an outsider of course. I do not know exactly whether their marriage is actually fragile or have already been bad before he marries his mistress).Is it due to love? May be (for this reason, I can’t give any comment. Love can falls to anyone and anytime. But I have a strong doubt that he does it to protect or lead his second wife to be a Moslem just like what the prophet Muhammad did. Mayang is already Moslem. Does he intend to create a strong, harmonious and big family by marrying his mistress? I don’t think so. That’s because he seemingly already had the affair long ago. His second controversial marriage (I really do not think it is a legal one) is the ultimate sign that he chooses to ruin his family rather than maintain it.
What about Mayang herself? I feel a pity on her. She knows that Halimah does not approve her affair. Why does she go on? Doesn’t she think of Halimah’s children? I was not impressed with her appearance in public some days after her secret was disclosed. She acted as if nothing went wrong to her She said that it was her life. She had chosen it and would take its consequences. (But, it ‘s not only her that got the pain. Her choice had ruined a family). Yet, I am glad that she said to public later on that she learned a lot from the incident.

Second, is Bambang able to provide a good living for his both family? Of course, he is. His father’s wealth is so abundant that he can inherit it till the seventh generation . For this reason, he is oke.

Third, can he be fair? The fact that he makes Mayang as his mistress and the incident happened in Mayang’s dwelling shows that he insisted on his own sake regardless the feeling of Halimah, Gendis and Panji (his children). Is he fair, having fun with his mistress while his wife and children get hurt? Absolutely not. Being fair means trying to make none hurt.

Fourth and fifth, it is clearly seen that Bambang neither gets his first wife’s approval nor his children’s. When two parties are against, will there be a happy life?

Anyway, I also regret Halimah’s deed though she might do it to maintain her marriage or coz of love. I can’t also just suggest “ leave and forget him!”. They have got married for ages, it may not be easy for Halimah to forget the old good days. If she still wants to keep her marriage, she’d better turn her anger of being betrayed to positive things. She’s got a handsome and rich husband, and nice kids. Though now her husband chooses to be with another woman, she’d better let him go. He’ll be back if he is her real soul mate. When he kneels begging to be back, that’s your victory!). So, what should she do now? She’d better try to enjoy what God has bestowed to. Getting closer to her children will give her strength. Dedicating more time to help the needy will give a peace to her heart. When there is another man who really loves her and she feels happy and secure with him. Why not marrying him, who knows he is her postponed soul mate  .

Well, that is an example of the impact of false polygamy.

Nanar mata menatap
Seakan tak ingin lepas,
lepas dan lepas
Memandang cakrawala
Gelegak dada
Bendungan air mata
Seakan ingin tumpah tak terbatas
Menyirnakan semua beban
Yang menggelayut dalam jiwa
Tanah lapang
Hijau tak bertuan
Tempat yang tenang
Untuk menumpahkan

Dan aku berteriak
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

May 31, 2006

A Terrible Earthquake in Indonesia (again).

Knowing that there was, again, another disaster in my beloved country-Indonesia, I just can ask “ God, is it the beginning of the end of the world?” or “is it just another warning from You to remind us of our ignorance?”. I hope it is just the second one as I wish that the end of this world comes when I am already in Paradise . The earthquake o that killed more than 4 thousands of people in Jogyakarta region ( I ever stayed in Jogya as the capital city for around three years when I took my master degree, and I love this city of intellectuals and culturists very much) and some parts of Central Java Province last Saturday morning really-really shocked me. I never thought that such a terrible disaster would happen in my beloved city and especially that it also destroyed my father’s hometown-Klaten. I still remember how I loved spending my holidays in my grandparents’ house as it had a wide yard with many banana, mango, guava, and coconut trees. My father told me that his village was terribly destroyed-nearly all houses broke down. Luckily, none of our relatives were injured.
This disaster becomes the second biggest one after Tsunami that destroyed Aceh and killed nearly 3 hundred thousands of people in 2004. It also adds the perpetual calamities happening in Indonesia during the reformation era. As long as I remember, riots, violence, strikes, plane and ship accidents, mountain explosions, floods, earthquakes haven’t stopped yet since President Soeharto was forced to leave his presidential seat. Of course, I did not mean saying that the perpetual disasters happened because of the presidential turnover. Yet, some Javanese people relates this endless calamities with the president and vice president figures. My aunt said jokingly that it is because SBY becomes the president whereas his name is “Yudo”. Yudo means ‘”war” in Javanese language. While The vice president’s name is Yusuf Kalla. “Kalla” in Javanese means evil. I just smiled to hear this. No relation at all, of course, and I know she was not serious. But I know some have a similar thought as my aunts-relating the calamities with the charisma and power of our president.
There is always more than one perspective toward one fact, right? When Tsunami struck down Aceh two years ago, people from varied backgrounds gave their perspectives. Certainly the same thing will happen now. An ulama will see it from religious side, a politician will see it from political point of view, and a scientist will see it as a scientific and natural phenomenon. And I, as an individual, attempt to see it in my own perspective. I believe in the law of “cause and effect”. There is always a cause or reason why something happens, even when one says that he or she has no reasons of doing something. The cause can be empirical such as the reason given by scientists that the earthquake happened due to the movement of soil in beneath the earth. It naturally happens yet people cannot predict it promptly. The victims can be minimized by erecting houses that are safe from earthquake. So far, Indonesian people have forgotten that they live in a land that is high risk of disasters- see, there are a lot of volcanoes in Indonesia including Krakatau mountain that its explosion in 1883 could be felt in Europe and change the world civilization radically. We can see now the number of high and modern houses built of concrete. Most people forget whether the buildings are strong and safe enough from earthquake that is much likely to happen. Well, obviously I cannot use this ignorance as the exclusive cause. There are many reasons why people start to forget or ignore nature. Social, economic, and even political reasons can be interdependently related in creating this overlook or ignorance.
First, let’s look at the number of Indonesia’s population. It is more 300 millions, right? How many houses do we need to build in this limited space? In addition, most occupy Java island, which is relatively small. Inevitably, they begin to use the forested area even the mangrove area as settlement. There are some housings built on the hill that its soil moves. As a result, some time ago a landslide destroyed some houses. There is also a real estate in Semarang built on mangrove area, not too long after the occupation, sea tide came to the area. I just can’t imagine how sorry the people who bought the houses were. They cannot sell them as who wants to live in such a terrible place? I am also worried of my city-Semarang- because its surface drops every years. Sea water has also come to neighborhood every afternoon in the dry season and its height is increasing year after year (this is something that I never expected to happen as my house is quite far from the coast). While I insist my mom to sell the house and move to another higher area, my mom seems to be fine living there. Well, that is a very small example of how people (including me?) have ignored nature. I haven’t mentioned how many Indonesians would rather drive their new cars to their near workplace than take a bus or ride a bike though they know they will spend much gasoline and other destructive habits of Indonesians.
In addition, many Indonesian begin to appraise material as the symbol of success. Big, modern and story buildings are Indonesian successful people’s fancy. Wooden or bamboo houses are usually perceived as a symbol of primitivism and poverty. Here, Indonesian start to forget that they live in a high risk land. Prestige, luxuries and comfort are things they seek for. As a result, millions of trees are cut down and the timbers are sold abroad. Now, the number of forests dramatically decreases and the price of wood is getting “crazy”. I just hope that after what happened in Aceh and Yogya, Indonesian people start to re-think of building secure houses rather than merely luxurious but dangerous ones. Using more woods or bamboo as the material may be a good alternative .
Political atmosphere is also very significant in making the ignorant Indonesian people. I see there are so many political chaos that make the government gives a little notice on the environment issues. If only the government through his officers from the top to low level campaigned seriously the importance of environment awareness, the destruction of nature could be minimized. I really do not know what my country will be like in ten or twenty years ahead. I just can hope that things will be much better.
Anyway, I believe that what happened in Indonesia is also an impact of global destruction of nature. It is not only in Indonesia but also in many other countries that destruction of nature is happening. We can recall the number of disasters that happened in India, Bangladesh, China, US and so on. Nearly all of them are caused by man’s ignorance and destruction toward nature.
At last, my Holy Al Qu’ran (QS. Ar-Rum:41) has stated “ there have been devastation in land and sea due to man’s deed. God shows it to let them feel some impact of their deed in order to make them back to the right way”. So, it is clear that a disaster that happens in this earth is due to the destruction of nature done by humans, and God shows it to remind them. This verse teaches humans to treat nature well. It also explicitly tells the un-separated unity : God, man and nature. God creates man and nature thus the greatness of God is reflected in his both creation (in man and nature). Nature is created to provide man’s need both materially and spiritually. When man destroys nature it means he destroys himself, right? This unity reminds me of Waldo Emerson’s essay “ Nature”, which also tells about the relationship between man, nature and God. Perhaps it will be a profound idea to translate that essay into Indonesian and other languages so that people will be more aware of nature. Why not, right?
As the closing of my writing, I want to cite some lines of Ebiet ( an Indonesian singer who loves singing songs about human life and nature)’s song “ Bahasa Matahari” (the Language of The Sun) that I translate into English
Frequently I can’t read your signs
The weather, the sun, and the sea waves
Often whisper what will happen
At times I choose to lie,
Betray the voice of my heart.
Actually honesty can prevent calamity.
Let’s try to be kind to nature.
The earth, the sky, and the sun
Let’s learn their languages
Of course with the language of secret soul.
….

*

Longing

The night falls
Swathing the earth
with its darkness.
It is the dark that seems I love most.

Indeed, it is just outwardly
for silent darkness from time to time
brings me an emptiness of mind and act;
As lying on my bed,
alone, totally alone
memories gently approach me.

The memories…
of
The days I spent with you
The days I sat next to you
The days you asked me to
The days you gave me dreams
The days you showed me reality.

All come back to me
In my night dreams
Unavoidably.

May 20,2006

What’s Wrong with Polygamy?

I just read my friend feminist’s posts on her blog. Gosh! She has such an endless spirit to write everything about women’s lives. Today I read her posts about polygamy and marriage-oriented society in our country – Indonesia. She criticized men in particular Moslems who cite some verses in the Holy of Al-Quran for their excuses of having more than one wife. That post reminds me of my old days when I was stuck on a man.
When I fell in love to my former boyfriend, once, one of my best friends asked me, “will you allow your future hubby if he wants to get married again?”. (Well, my answer may sound foolish to my feminist friend) I said,” Yup. I feel happy if I can make him happy. If that marriage will make him happier, I will be happy too.” Was I blinded by love at that time?” Was I so naïve? You may say I was, but my being naive made me able to have a small party with my close friends to celebrate his wedding ( anyway, we broke up and he married a girl soon he returned from USA). I prefer to see my love for him was a true love. There was no hard feeling just because he left me.
Well, I still remember clearly that my approval of my future husband to get married again is because I wanted to have more Moslem families. The other women he wants to marry should be a good woman so we can be good sisters. Besides I believed that he would marry another woman not because he spoiled his sexual drives. Anyway, up to now I cannot see my attitude at that time naïve. On the way around, it makes me believe that in some cases polygamy can run well if none of both parties is oppressed or intimidated either by the other party or society . If two or more women can be happy together and the man as well, so why not ? But ! if one of them –especially the first wife- cannot accept it, the husband cannot force her, and the other woman should not insist on it as it will hurt another woman’s feeling. If they keep on getting married, surely they won’t be as happy as they wish (see what happens to one of Indonesian artists - M- who became a mistress of a married man. Her first part time husband’s wife and children came to her house and violence happened). It sounds complicated, right? That’s why doing a good polygamy is not an easy thing. There will be inevitable jealousy and injustice though they try to repress it. Holy of Al Qur’an in one of the verses has warned this. But why then Qur’an does not strongly prohibit it? Coz God knows exactly that He cannot demand his creature as just as He. Here, as long as the man “tries” to be fair and the women can really accept it, God allows it, moreover if they can build a big and solid family. When things can run like this, I am personally not against polygamy.
Yet, I am against polygamy just like feminists when its reason is “ridiculous and gender-biased” such as a belief that a man is created to have a higher libido than a woman and a saying that as a woman’s is created from a man’s bend rib. That is why it‘s a duty of man to straighten a woman’s view, attitude and behaviour (including telling them that polygamy is allowed in Islam). These two assumptions surely raise anger among feminists (my feminist friend will be very mad to hear a man says these even so a woman). I myself empirically say that those assumptions are not quite true. I have often heard , read and found some women who have as high libido as a man even higher . I love my feminist friend’s joke why there is no Viagra for women, because women are strong enough. But I‘d like add it: that is coz of women’s greater endurance than a man’s. Though they often failed to get satisfaction in sex as their male partners often selfishly end it before their female mates reach orgasm, women can endure it. How about men? Many are busily trying to create a strong medicine to multiply their strength and satisfaction. (Anyway, I don’t want to be cynical to all men who use that sort of medicine, some may fail and need it to give a good service to their women LOL ).
Women have been indoctrinated that sex is all about man. Many wives are still ashamed to “ask” as they think it will cease their image in their husbands’ eyes. A good woman should not ask, she just serves when her husband wants her. This long-term repression has created submissive women and superior men in sex. An idea that a man has a higher libido than women can be traced from this long oppression. Beside this women’s submission (in fact not only in sexuality but also nearly all aspects of life) is often manipulated by “irresponsible” men to legalize their polygamy. Things will be different when society does not oppress women’s sexuality. Things will be much better, I think , as there will be an equal and healthy sexual relationship.
For the second point, I have some religious friends. One of them is a couple. They get married by Islamic way. The wife did not know her hubby till the day of their marriage. When she found that her hubby’s physical appearance was not like she expected, she often regretted it. As a result, when they went together, the wife walked several step ahead . She did not feel comfortable walking beside her hubby. In their early marriage life conflicts often emerged, and she often asked her hubby to return her to her parent’s house (meaning she wanted to separate). Her hubby was so patient and kind that at last she became the one who adored her hubby. As far as I see, they look much happier than before.
One day on my way home from teaching, I dropped by and chatted with them. The conclusion I took from the chat is they believed that women are destined to be more emotional - that is why the fall of divorce is put on man’s saying. A man is more rational. If it is on a woman’s, there will be a remarkably number of divorces. ( well, isn’t it because the society was still male dominated at the time the statement was made? Even today it is still). The weakness of women then relates to the saying that a woman is created from a man’s bend rib.  Again, women are unfairly stereotyped. Their rights are also corrupted. Poor women, how many women will have to suffer from a hellish marriage life while waiting till a cruel man says “I divorce you”. A woman has to propose the divorce and undergoes a process till the judge accepts it. By this time the man no longer has rights over the women. But when a husband says “I divorce you”, automatically they are no longer a couple. How many women have to submit themselves, bury their thought and voices, because they are “only” considered as a bend rib? Poor women! Well, it seems that my friends missed this important case. I did not want to argue with them as I did not want to ruin their seemingly peaceful and happy marriage life. I believe that their marriage experiences have strengthened this belief in their mind and heart.
Well, any comments my dear friends? I will thankfully welcome   

A Sign

One butterfly
White, sick
And died …
On my beloved
Praying rug.
Two butterflies
White, small
Flying close to me
I am amazed and stop
Praising God
For the beauty
I see.
Three butterflies
White, yellow and green;
Flying and playing
Over green grass and bushes
Along the tranquil road
Everyday I pass through.
One perches on my hand
be a delight.
I smile, greet and whisper …
God, what a sign.

Malang, 20 May 2006

This story occurred a long time ago. There might be some reduction as well as addition because I am not good at recalling the past. The situation in this story has changed a lot now.
I used to have two close friends who happened to live in the same neighborhood. Wherever we went, we went together. People called us “ three musketeers”. We were single women who “should have been married at our ages”. People kept asking who our boyfriends were and when we would get married. Luckily, we did not give a damn to what the society thought of us. We just enjoyed our friendship and being single.
Three of us had different backgrounds of family. My oldest friend, Tacik, came from a modest family living in a small house. Her dad was self-employed. He sewed to earn for living. Her mother was a housewife. Her family was people with great self-integrity. When we had a celebration of the independence day, she and her sisters were easy to come to the stage and sing. Tacik was nearly always the master of ceremony. She was a nice, brilliant as well as great confident person. She was the smartest one among us despite her lowest background of education. She dedicated her life as a private teacher for math, physic and later on English.
My second friend named Dyah. She was the richest. Her father was a government officer in the Commerce and Industry Chamber. Her mother was a teacher. Her house was full of furniture that I always admired. She was a nice and humble person. She never looked down the poor. In my eyes, her life was full of blessing except one thing. She remained jobless for more than three years while her two friends had found jobs to earn money.
I myself did not grow up from a wealthy family. We lived in a plain house. My father was a labor. He worked in a construction company. With a little salary he tried to support our family which consisted of seven persons. My mother was a housewife. By his extremely hard work, my dad could send some of his children to university. I was the only child who obtained a bachelor degree. My elder sister dropped out and my younger brother only got a diploma. Thanks God, I was blessed with the easiness to find a job after the graduation day. I worked in a big company as a staff of human resources department. Later, I became a lecturer.
Despite our differences, we shared the same condition- living in a slum area. Our neighborhood was very crowded. The houses was separated by a small path that a car could not pass through it. People put their washing lines in front of the houses. They sat and talked at the sides of the path. In short, our neighborhood was a typical of slums. Living in a such area, each of us ever underwent an unpleasant experience Here goes the story.
One day, Dyah was introduced to one of her uncle’s colleagues. From his appearance, he was a gentleman from a wealthy and aristocratic family. When he came to her house, he happened to see some children having natural calls on the small ditch across her house. Dyah told us that the man looked very uncomfortable seeing that view. Though Dyah’s house was the best of all, its surrounding was dirty and the most crowded. Chicken and dog waste was scattered on the path. The gentleman did not feel comfortable staying and talking to her. Instead of finding out how a nice and kind girl Dyah was, he left some minutes later with shocked and disappointed look.
The similar thing happened to me. Being a lecturer and having a mobile phone often made people took for granted that I was a well-financially supported girl. One day one of my colleagues introduced me to her university friends by phone. He was a student of a master program. We had a nice talk and he so often called me. Then the day he insisted on seeing me in person came. He wanted to ask me out for lunch. He did come to my house. I could see clearly his disappointment that I was not as pretty and rich as he thought. He kept talking about my “shocking” small house and slum neighborhood. At last he cancelled asking me out for lunch. He said he had some work to do. I had already predicted that this would happen, and I anticipated this by saying “Well. It’s okay. I’ve got to go to somewhere else too”. Then he left. I stared at his leaving. I laughed at him cynically- how snobbish he was. Suddenly I felt that it was not wise to laughed at him (though I know I laughed at him as a compensation of my bitterness of being looked down). At last a pity rose in my heart. It is a pity that such an educated person still has a narrow mind. Anyway, it is not wise for me to blame him solely on his snobbery, right?. He is a product of society. People around him may have indoctrinated him with such an attitude. Well, I just hope that he will start to use his common sense as well as conscience to see this world and later on may change his attitude one day.
Among three us, Tacik had the most admirers due to her brilliance. Yet, she often refused her admirers to come to her small house. Once, she fell in love deeply with a gorgeous and rich man. From her story (if I am not mistaken), his mother was a sort of woman who concerned a lot with nobility. My friend realized that she was not the type of girl she expected to be her daughter-in-law. She always refused her beloved man to come to her house. She was afraid that he would be shocked (just like the other two men I told before).
Well, this is the reality. Though egalitarian spirit has spread nearly all over the world, this snobbery still happens everywhere, I suppose. Some rich people still do not feel comfortable to mingle with the poor, and the noble do not wish to have the common as the member of their family. Some people still put physical beauty to the top place that they are reluctant to deal with “not beautiful ones”. The worse thing is when smart people look down others whom they think are not as smart as them. Here, something lies beneath richness, nobility, intelligence. It is wisdom.

* I rewrote this story as I remembered two things. First, one of my smart friends’ experience when she was about to teach English to male adults ( they were educated people). She was in partner with her colleague who happened to be more beautiful than her. The male adults spontaneously and (in her opinion) rudely pointed her beautiful colleague to be their teacher. My friend felt hurt. Though at last she taught the students as she was a real smart teacher, the first day experience really irritated her.
Second, I saw some of my friends start to discover their potential of being smart. Unfortunately, they start to humiliate others whom they think are not smart. When one of them humiliated her former lecturer by saying that her English was bad, I was really shocked. How proud she was with her English! While in my opinion the lecturer was a qualified one and her English was much better than hers. Being confident doesn’t have to be proud, right? Anyway, I am deeply impressed by Gayatri Spivak (an Indian scholar) who has gained worldly fame but she is always humble.

****

Tuesday, March 07, 2006
21.42 p.m.

Song: Love in Whose Rich Honor
By Muriel Rukeyser
Love
in whose rich honor
I stand looking from my window
Over the starved tress of a dry September
Love
Deep and so far forbidden
is bringing me
a gift
to claw at my skin
to break open my eyes
the gift longed for so long
The power
to write
out of the desperate ecstasy at last
death and madness.

Reading the poem above becomes one of my inspirations to produce this short writing.

Actually, I am not too astonished to what Muriel says in this poem. Her poem is just another piece of women’s writing imposing the equal ability of women to men in writing. This poem might be “striking” for nineteenth-century Americans because at that period writing was merely considered as men’s sphere. Nowadays, writing becomes everybody’s spheres-men, women, adult, teenagers, and children.
Instead of writing more about the feminist issues (my best friend has been doing it in her blogs), I am interested in writing about the obvious theme of the poem-love.
I think love is indeed a power. When you have love you can do lots of things that you’ve never thought you would do. Even, you may become someone new. Observing what is happening to my closest friend –that she changed a lot after being in love- reminds me of my past. I did have similar experiences with her.
Once I fell in love deeply to someone. The strong love I had for him made me happy and felt this life was so beautiful. All things that used to be ordinary in my life became something special and wonderful. The view I usually had on my commuting trip, for example, became something beautiful to enjoy. The old and poor passengers in the bus appealed my sympathy, and I suddenly became a caring person. Moreover, I turned to be more confident, more religious, calmer, and ... more enthusiastic in reading books! I began buying and reading a lot of books. I even cut, glued and compiled some articles from newspapers. I felt that I was quite something
When I broke up from him, I attempted to keep my “new identity” coz it seemed to bring me happiness ( It made my life run so beautifully). However, it was not an easy thing to do. The absence of someone who cared of me, kept encouraging, and in need of me at times created emptiness in the depth of my heart. I often felt that I began to lose some parts of my “new life” day by day, month by month, and year by year. Up to now I am always trying to keep the best I have ever got from our love. Being grateful to what we have been through and seeing everything from positive sides makes me able to stand up and face the ups and downs of my life.
Well, isn’t our experience the same? Yup! But one thing for sure is we belong to people who have succeeded in creating positive impact of love. Are there any who do not experience the same? Of course, there are. People who let love destroy rather than liven them up.
In my religion I was taught that Love is a gift from God. God has ninety-nine good names (asma’ul Husna). He gives one of His name, Arrahman , meaning the Most Passionate to all of His creature. As a result, we can feel and see the love of a mother to her offspring, a husband’s to his wife, a man’s to his lover etc. If not becoz of God’s love, this world would have ended (there have been so many sins done by humans such as killing others and destroying nature).
Love is essentially a good spirit. Whether it can be destructive or constructive, it depends on the persons to whom the love comes to. If they see love is a grace, they will feel grateful. They automatically start to feel their existence (to love and to be loved). This, of course, will liven up their self-confidence. They will rediscover the inner potency within them, and this will surely bring the true happiness into their lives.
However, some people may say that love at times lead people to do evil things such as stealing, corrupting and even killing. For people who just lost their lover or broke up, there is surely sadness within their heart. To an extreme extent, some people choose to end their lives and sink themselves into miserable lives. They will start to say that love is painful. For this case, I’d say that it is not because of the love itself. It is because the people to whom love comes to haven’t been able to take love as a wonderful power to beautify their life. Usually, they are those who tend to be excessive so that they are blinded by love. On the name of love they claim themselves to be irrational. For this phenomena, I prefer to see it a new insight telling me that we should not be in excess of love. Excessive things, including love, will always harm. I will say "Loving temperately will beautify life as it always goes with common sense. It changes sadness and miseries into a new spirit to understand and enjoy the mystery of life much better.”

I am again sitting in front of the office PC to write any words coming out of ny mind. Yesterday I read my friend's post which cited Robert Frost's poem " The Road Not Taken". It reminds me of my short comment I wrote for my American prof class.That poem together with other poems of Robert Frost are my favourite. Anyway, I am quite sure that many love Robert frost's poem. Another friend of mine ever told me that he loved the Road Not aken because it reminded him of the moment when he had to decide to take his present wife to be his wife or not.

I love the Road Not Taken more when I started to realize that I took "the untrodden path" when i made the decision to marry my husband. Sometimes i ask myself why I took the untrodden path. When i am down, reading Robert Frost's always gives courage to face the differences I meet as a the consequences of my choice.

Though, as Robert Frost aims in his .... (to be continued ya)